This weekend The EL is off to the oldest City in America. I was invited to read my work before the elite Garden and Book Club of St. Augustine, Florida as part of their new endeavor to promote new writers they believe are talented. These old bags of water may be more interested in seeing and talking to The EL as if I’m some boy-toy of words than for my poetry and prose. These rich, elderly women may have some nasty fantasies going on in their head about The EL, but I am going to further my career as a writer and do what I do best…promote myself.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind getting the juices flowing for Postmenopausal women who find me a hidden treasure. I am thankful my talented words move upon them like the soft fingers of a cabana boy, rubbing coconut oil on their dried-out flesh and skin tags.
I will be staying at a Bed and Breakfast on the beach called the House of Sea and Sun. This place has themes for the décor of their rooms and I am very scared of what the ladies of this Garden and Book Club of St. Augustine has in store for me. Mine is the Safari Room. Heaven help me if any of these women show up in loin cloths, looking like Wilma Flintstone to serve me French toast in the morning. Just looking at the pictures of the room I am having a seizure. But like I said about the effect The EL has, my words have brought out the jungle in these women.
So if you are in St. Augustine this holiday weekend, look for The EL and say, “Hello,” before he has been hunted and head mounted in their trophy den.